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Thursday, January 5, 2012

work and what you learn and assertiveness

Have you thought about that "work" is a very negative word?
I just got a new fantastic assignment from my boss and i love it. I started by creating a folder for files with info. I already have folders called 'future', 'interesting reading', 'brf' and 'recommend' in my brand new computer at work.Since this file will contain the actual work i will be doing i though the most logical name would be "work". But this sound like a folder i don't want to get in to. Which would make the opposite effect from what i want to achieve by giving this folder a name. What is a positive name for you? I want to have it as a positive affirmation each time i come to the office and start working. :)
Am i annoyingly positive now? :)

You don't have to make a user to comment down -you can do it as "anonymous" as well, i've heard it does not work well on an iphone though.

If your answer is yes i have two other thought to share with you. :) :) :)

One is something i discussed with a friend D. this lunch.
When you are feeling low because of something bad happening to you and you can not see anything positive coming out from it - you need a friend - and not a "party friend" - a friend who actually contacts you even when you are not in your best mood - who can help you find something positive in what is going on in - in order to hold on to life. It could be so difficult to find it and it could be annoying that somebody is actually finding something positive in this "completely" negative situation, but is necessary. 
And think about it: how much easier it is to call to a parking ticket company for a friend then to call the same for yourself. YOU KNOW YOU PARKED CORRECTLY, right????!!!! :)
And the conclusion made on the two assumption above - the blue and green - is that it is impossible to have "sköt dig själv och skit i andra" == "take care of youself and forget everyone else" - society that we are trying to create here in Sweden.
But! :) If you are already living in this kind of society... It is even more important to have a list of 5 things you really like to do:
swimming
dancing
retail therapy (shopping and trying on dresses and skirts)
sewing
ironing -  What do you guys like to do?
So when something bad happen to you : you (and this is a quote from Lucy):
"get opportunity to get centered" and get yourself "energy that raises the positive vibration".
When you feel good - you know what happened. You know there are no mistakes just lessons. You know what you learned from this bad situation.


I said two things, right?
The second is something i discussed with my friend C. yesterday. And it is assertiveness. Now, i know i have lots of programmers among my friends, and NO, this is not what you think it is :)
"As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is thus distinguished from both aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries, their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts. Passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries and thus allow aggressive people to abuse or manipulate them through fear. Passive communicators are also typically not likely to risk trying to influence anyone else. Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others while trying to influence them. A person communicates assertively by overcoming fear of speaking his or her mind or trying to influence others, but doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of others. Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive people."
What I think is that assertiveness is something we should strive to in all communication situations.Some of us tend more to passive communication -accepting people making negative comments about our looks - just giggling when they do - not defending our personal boundaries. Some of us giving to much advices to people not being perceptive to their personal boundaries - some of do both :). varying dependent on the mood we are in.
Is the goal to listen more and give soft feedback on how you understand what is said? And get inspired and energised from people you communicate with? :)





1 comment:

  1. 'Me Time'... it's so important to have 'me Time'... especially so when you have a family and job to deal with... it's too easy to lose sight of your needs as you tend to everyone else's.
    When you lose sight of your own needs, you risk losing the love and respect for yourself. Without these, and daily affirmation of these, you can't possibly love and respect others.
    So I have 'Me Time'... every day...
    The Journey to and from work - on the train - listening to my fave music.
    Retail Therapy - Not every day, but even window shopping is fun for me.
    Meditation - 15 minutes helps calm and centre my busy mind
    Gardening - Enjoying nature that I'm so privileged to live in
    Dancing - I'm taking up Flamenco again at the end of January
    Cooking - I hide myself away in my wonderful kitchen and create.

    I found as a mother that I had to MAKE this time out of seemingly no time to spare. It is possible... it's all about prioritizing yourself.

    To respect others, you must respect yourself first.
    To love others, you must love yourself first.
    To be at peace with other people's oddities, you must be at peace with yours first.

    Hugs everyone
    Dawn x

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